Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Randomize
