bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
