hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Randomize
