Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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