marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
