you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
