She's JV to your varsity
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
