im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Oh god it's open bar.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
