My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
