He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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