My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
