there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
