don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
nutella sex= disaster
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
