I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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