I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize