If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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