i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
