Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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