Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize
