I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
