then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
