Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
