So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
