i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
