Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize