I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
why do cheetos always look like penises
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
