I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
