My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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