So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
