i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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