I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
id be glad to
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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