do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
