So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
