i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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