My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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