Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
