Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize