the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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