I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
