i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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