dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
