This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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