i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Also, beer. Big fan.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize