omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
