I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
