What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
