Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
