I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
