I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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