is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
