Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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