Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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