You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
