My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
