I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
