his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I think I sprained my soul last night
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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