I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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