i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
