Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
