I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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