Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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