I'm really into asian looking animals
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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