I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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