why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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