So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize