I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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