O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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