That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
