Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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