he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
