Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
