There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
