My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
