Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
