and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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