I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
