you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
