bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
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