I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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