Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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