It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
